Yes I know I reblogged this twice. In a row. But it’s just fucking great.
Sometimes I really love my state
That’s okay you guys, I didn’t think it was funny either
seeing as Halloween is this month, and NaNowriMo is next month I think the appropriate thing to do is share an author joke from the book of Really, Really Bad Monster Jokes.
What do you find in an author’s grave?
This is how you make friends right? Just make the puns people tell you not to.
I love puns
There are a lot of things I’d do if I didn’t have to wear pants.
There I was walking back to my bedroom in my cute blue/green penguin pajamjams (that’s what I call my pajamas) after watching tv so I could sleep. I made my bed and as I climbed in I remembered I had forgotten to close the window. Whoops!
As I walked back to bed after correcting my mistake I saw it! It was the size of my palm, light brown and with many wings and legs. But to me it seemed much bigger, much darker, and much scarier. I leaped across my bedroom and raced down the hallway to the living room where I spent the next fifteen minutes contemplating sleeping on the couch. I choose against that plan and after a few more minutes I crept down the hallway only to stop by my sunshine yellow bathroom in fear.
I couldn’t go in my room!
There was a bug in there!
A big bug! A big scary bug!
A big scary flying bug!
It was a demon bug sent straight from hell to torture me! (so far it was pretty successful)
It was possibly a blood sucker!
I was up against a scary flying possibly blood-sucking demon bug.
There was no way I could go back to my room. Instead I sat on the floor of my bathroom and contemplated different attack method. “I may be a wuss,” I thought, “a total pansy even, buy I’m not going down without a fight!”
I raced into the kitchen and scoured the cabinets under the sick for big spray! Can after empty can I tossed aside; do we never throw these things away? With plan number one no longer an option I went back to my spot among the towels to think. The hairspray, my weapon of choice when bug spray isn’t an option. I pulled a large can from under the bathroom sink and popes the top off.
Cautiously I began my trek down the hallway, scanning every inch of the hallway for the potentially blood-sucking demon. There it was! I jumped back and screeched! I sprayed the sticky mist in its direction hoping it would make it immobile so I could pass to my room for better safety. I should have known better, the moment I let the spray end I realized, too late, that it had vanished. I sank to the floor and leaned against the wall, hairspray at the ready. Hoping selfishly that it had crawled under the door that lead into my parents room. They had no real fear of bugs, were sleeping soundly, and has the dog with them for protection. All I had? A half empty can of hairspray. They Would have been just fine if the bug had chosen to do that.
Eventually I got up the courage to move on down the hallway. Inch by inch I moved slowly towards my room. One final leap and I was in. I dove into bed with the hairspray and looked around. I was safe! Or at least, I thought I was. It wasn’t give minutes before I saw it by the door. Watching me with it’s possibly blood-thirsty demonic eyes. A small, scared, scream-like noise escaped my mouth as I backed into the far wall. My hairspray suddenly registered to me as a useless and pointless weapon. I waited in fear until my enemy moved down the wall away from me and the door and then I ran. I ran out my room and down the hallway. I realized at this point that I was no warrior. I was just a scared little girl. A scared little girl who needed her mommy.
And so that’s what I did. I got my mommy. I slipped down the hallway until I was right by their door, and too close to mine. I knocked, and waited. No answer, knocking loudly I waited again. After a third try of no answer I opened the door a crack and called out softly “Mommy? Mommy wake up. I need to.”
She woke up in a flurry of sheets, “What? What is it?”
"You can be mad at me all you want, but there’s a big scary flying demon bug in my room and I’m scared!" I told her. She rushed out of bed and told me to get a shoe. Luckily for me I had a pair by the back door. I ran to get one and then she made me point it out to her. I did so and watched as she and the demon bug fought it out. She would swing the shoe, and the bug would fly away, and she would swing again and again to no prevail! I couldn’t take it for long. I walked down the hall terrified for all of humanity, but most for mommy.
"…Are you alright?" I whispered into the sudden silence.
"It’s dead." She told me, and brought out its corpse on my shoe as proof. I ran and hugged her the second my shoe was out her hand. She was my miracle. My miracle mommy who saved my life. I thanked her over and over again as she shooed me back to bed. Content that the demon had been slain I crawled into bed and snuggled under the covers, wondering what strange adventures I had yet to face.
just press play and watch the gif
reblogging once more
YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH. FOREVER REBLOG
heard this song at target, proceeded to fall on the ground out of laughter.
what has this fandom done to us
I’m pretty sure this is hilarious even if people aren’t a fan. :D